A Dream so Beautiful
by Alexia Featherchild
Summary: Shinobu has been hiding something, coming home well past midnight for a fortnight now and Miyagi is beginning to worry what his little terrorist is hiding from him. However things are never as simple or as clearcut as they seem. What is Shinobu hiding?
1. Uncertain Destiny

**Disclaimer:** The characters found within this fanfiction belong to the very talented Manga-ka, Nakamura Shungiki and her manga Junjou Romantica (_Junjou Terrorist_).

* * *

**UNCERTAIN DESTINY**

* * *

Miyagi turned the doorknob and slowly opened the door to his apartment, his midnight blue eyes searched for any sign that would indicate whether or not his roommate was already home.

Lately, the brat hadn't been arriving home at his usual time and he was starting to wonder why, because his little terrorist had always persisted that he wanted to have dinner ready and waiting for him when he got home from work. Not that he minded fending for himself where meals were concerned, because although Shinobu had improved, though minimally, there was _always_ cabbage.

However, it had been almost two weeks in which Shinobu had been consistently late, sometimes not even getting home until well after midnight and it seemed tonight would be no exception.

_'Is he... cheating on me?'_ It seemed somehow implausible to him, for surely his Shinobu-chin would have at least said something. The question however continued to roll over and over inside his head.

The very idea that the young man he had come to love had tired of him, that the love his little terrorist had purported to have for him may have been no more than a simple infatuation, caused bile to rise up in the back of his throat.

He'd always been determined that if he ever became a detriment to Shinobu that he would let him go, but that had been back before he'd totally become wrapped around the brats little finger.

He'd still let him go - reluctantly, but if it were true he knew his own heart would shatter into a million tiny fragments. It was so much worse not to know the truth, to find out without being told, to be kept in the dark and still live together as they had been ever since Shinobu had moved in.

With a quick slug of the drink he'd poured himself once he'd set his briefcase down and kicked off his shoes he sank down onto his living room couch.

Moments later he heard the creak of the door and a growly voice declaring, "I'm home!" followed by the thud of shoes and the closing of the door.

The clock, Miyagi saw, read seven o'clock in the evening. For once, his young lover was only a little late in nearly a fortnight.

He looked in Shinobu's direction as the boy stepped further into the apartment, "Welcome home..." his voice trailed off, not quite sure what to say or how to broach the the question that had been plaguing him for the past several minutes.

The further Shinobu came into the room, the more perplexed Miyagi was by the languid shaky movements and the unusual paleness of his beloved terrorists face, far more pale than normal.

When Shinobu began to wobble and nearly trip, Miyagi had leapt from his seat to catch the lithe blonde in his arms. Dark brows furrowed, '_He feels lighter than usual...'_ The thoughts of Shinobu possibly having found someone else vanished to be replaced by concern for the boys health.

"Shinobu, have you been eating properly?" The only meal other than on the weekends he'd actually even seen Shinobu eat was breakfast and sometimes the young man only pecked at it even though usually his lover had two helpings of everything. He was sure the little terror had a high metabolism for how scrawny he was, lithe like a runner, but now as he ran his hand over Shinobus' ribs, he could feel the bones slightly starting to poke out.

The boy had only given him a grunt, dull gray eyes narrowing up into midnight blue, furrowed brows and a deeply etched frown.

"Don't lie to me either Shinobu, I can feel the evidence, its unhealthy not to eat properly."

* * *

Shinobu had thought for once in the past couple of weeks that it was safe to return home early, instead of hiding from his older partner.

He'd leave their apartment shortly after breakfast whether or not he managed to get anything down and then return far later than midnight, sometimes not until the wee hours of the morning.

'_I don't want Miyagi to worry...'_ had been his thought morning, noon and night. He knew something was wrong with him, had known it the moment nearly two weeks ago when in the middle of the night he'd had to run to the bathroom.

He'd filled the toilet with blood, had wiped it from his mouth, had sunk to the floor shakingly and cried. Spitting up blood, especially in that amount was never a good sign.

Before his beloved Miyagi had woken, he'd quickly rid the room of all evidence that he'd been sick, had brushed his teeth and returned to bed, unable to fall back to sleep.

That morning had been the last time they'd made love, too weak with every passing day to give himself up to the pleasure his lover could provide him and he in turn for him.

Pulling himself out of Miyagi's hold, "I've been eating," though perhaps not as much as usual, but it was difficult to hold anything down for long, especially if it was in larger quantity.

The only thing he'd been able to keep down was toast, crackers and ginger every night and sometimes early in the morning, even at Teito University where he attended he would once again have to rush to the bathroom or a trashcan and there would be the blood, mocking him. Not always, but enough times to realize that something was seriously wrong with him and yet he had not made an appointment for a doctor, too afraid of what they might say, what they would diagnose him with.

"Then you need to eat more Shinobu, that or see a doctor."

* * *

Miyagi frowned as he watched Shinobu's gray eyes widen, saucer-like, as the boy trembled, shaking his head frantically before falling back onto the couch.

He'd noticed those beautiful eyes beginning to water, fear clearly written there. He wondered what it was that his young lover feared and was determined that Shinobu should see a doctor, no matter how much he might protest.

Without a doubt, he knew Shinobu was hiding something from him and it had nothing to do with seeing someone else, of that he was now certain.

"I'm making you an appointment as soon as its morning," the doctors offices were all closed so they would have to wait.

"No Miyagi! I don't want to see the doctor."

Miyagi frowned, grasping Shinobu by his shoulders and gazing intently down into the youths eyes, "Listen Shinobu, I will make you the appointment and I will make certain that you go, even if I have to drag you there myself. Do you understand?"

For several minutes the two stared into one anothers eyes, neither willing to back down.

Eventually, Shinobu's eyes fluttered closed as he gave a slight nod, whispering, "I understand," his bottom lip trembling.

With the pad of one of his thumbs, Miyagi gently stroked Shinobu's trembling lower lip while he brushed a tender kiss over the young mans forehead.

* * *

Shinobu leaned back into the cushions of the couch, his mouth parting as his tongue peaked out to lightly lick Miyagi's thumb, his arms reaching up and around Miyagi, clinging to the back of his shirt. He didn't want to let go, even though he feared he might have to, if the doctor confirmed his worst fears.

_'Tonight, just once more, I want to love and be loved by Miyagi.'_ With that thought one of his hands slid up to grip the dark hair of the literature professors head and brought him down so that their mouths met each others.

Shinobu frantically plunged his tongue into the older mans mouth, their tongues rolling, gliding, sliding against each other over and over.

Neither noticed the single tear that slowly slid from the corner of the smaller mans eye down toward his ear, getting lost in and absorbed by blonde hair.


	2. Anxiety

**ANXIETY**

* * *

The night before had felt somehow, bittersweet. Their love making had been long and slow, tenderly loving. Yet this morning when Miyagi awoke, he sat up carefully and gazed down into the far too pale sleeping face of his dear Shinobu-chin.

Brushing his fingers through the silky sandy hair, he slowly released a sigh, the corners of his mouth slowly curving into a small smile.

His eyes however stung as he tried to suppress the tears that prickled behind them, ready to form and fall from his lashes.

The pad of his free hand gently stroked the sleeping mans soft lower lip. He felt the shallow warm breath dance across his digit as Shinobu continued to sleep.

This was the person he loved, the person who had caused the stone tower around his heart to crumble, the young man who had stolen his heart two and a half years ago.

His lover had only recently celebrated his twenty-first birthday and now, now something was terribly wrong, so wrong that his currently sleeping beauty had tried to hide it from him.

A long breath escaped him as he bent his head, closing his eyes, ebony locks of hair shielding his eyes from view. His face was further blocked from view by the hand he lifted to hold his forehead.

From the corner of one eye a tear slipped and fell, dripping down onto Shinobu's cheek.

Beneath the hand which rested in the blonde hair of the slumbering individual, Shinobu began to stir.

* * *

Gray eyes fluttered open, they were unfocused and glossed over by sleep, dark shadows beneath them as though he had not slept as much as the clock showed.

He lifted hand, his fingers trembling as he touched Miyagi's cheek and spoke in an ever weakening voice, "Miyagi."

It was the first time in weeks that he'd been able to sleep throughout the night, without coming home late and without waking up before the sun had risen to run to the bathroom and spill the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

Miyagi's eyes flicked open, removing his hand from his face to gaze into Shinobu's eyes and whispered, "Shinobu," his hand touched Shinobu's, holding the younger mans cold and trembling fingers against his cheek.

He turned his head to brush his mouth over the palm, "I love you."

He watched as crimson color seeped into the pale face of his precious one and heard him whisper in his usual irritated voice.

"Miyagi!" Although a moment later, Miyagi felt cool hands hugging him, Shinobu burying his face in the crook of his neck, whispering, "I love you too."

The young man squeezed his eyes closed, fearing what lay ahead of them, and unlike Miyagi, his tears fell all too easily. His hold tightened on Miyagi as he trembled, his future - their future, uncertain.

The dark head bent over the blonde head, brushing a kiss over the soft hair, his sigh causing the strands to shift. "Shinobu, we need to make you an appointment."

He heard him sniffle, the two parting from their embrace, yet still touching, even if they only had one hand on each other.

Midnight blue eyes turned to gaze at his cell phone he'd placed on the nightstand the night before, after he and Shinobu had removed their clothes, one button, one kiss at a time.

Together their sweat and tears had mingled as their bodies joined together and neither had felt as though they'd ever let go of the other.

In the night they'd clung to one another, almost as if it might be the last time they'd ever be able to hold their lover in their arms.

Despite their anxieties, they had comforted one another throughout the night as they slept, their limbs tangled, their eyes puffy and red from the tears which had fallen.

Yet, until the call was made, until Shinobu saw the doctor and received the results of his examination, they would know nothing.

Picking up his cell, he flipped it open and dialed the doctors office, his other arm still wrapped around Shinobu, trying to comfort him by rubbing his back.

Shinobu sniffled again, "Mi-miyagi..." he whimpered, he pressed his face closer into Miyagi's neck, breathing in his comforting scent, "I'm scared." This was one time he could not hide his fear, one time he could not run. However, even though it was best that they find out what was wrong with him, he feared the worst case scenario, that his illness would turn out to be fatal.

Miyagi brushed a kiss over the top of Shinobu's ear, "It'll be okay Shinobu," though in truth he didn't know that it would, but he didn't wish to cause his beloved anymore stress than he was already suffering.

There was however no one to comfort him, if it turned out to be very serious. He'd already lost one love to illness, he wasn't sure how he'd be able to handle it if he were to lose Shinobu too, and Shinobu was so very young.

Finally someone on the other end picked up after about five rings.

"Hello, Honda Haruhi speaking, you've reached Doctor Miyoshikawa's office, how may we help you?"

As Miyagi went to reply, Shinobu quickly pulled away, rolling off the other end of the bed and ran to the bathroom. The older mans mouth hung open as Shinobu wrenched the door open and flung himself down in front of the toilet.

Standing up, the phone still to his ear, he followed after his retching sick, speaking into the phone, "Uh... I have a friend whom is very sick, he seems to have lost a lot of weight and just now... in the bathroom, he vomited blood. I wanted to make an appointment for him, but maybe I should take him to the emergency room at one of the hospitals?"

"That may be best, I suggest the Sacred Heart hospital not far from Mitsuhashi University."

"Thank you Honda-san," he hung up the phone and placed it on the cabinet and walked up to bend down to Shinobu.

He placed his hands on Shinobu's shoulders and helped him to stand up. He could tell that his little love was shaken and weak.

He heard Shinobu mumble irritably, but that didn't stop him from finding a small paper cup and filling it with water so that Shinobu could rinse out his mouth.

Shinobu grumbled, "I want to brush my teeth," but Miyagi did nothing more than prepare his toothbrush and helped him to brush his teeth and then rinse afterward.

He knew his darling wanted to stand on his own two feet and take care of himself, but he didn't think he'd be able to manage.

He only wished that Shinobu had mentioned sooner what was going on, that he'd gone to see a doctor sooner, even if the news wouldn't have been good. Knowing however, was better than _not_ knowing.

Miyagi heard a mumbled, "Thank you," and he smiled, just for a moment, while hugging Shinobu from behind.

Without much warning, Miyagi placed one arm underneath the blondes knees and beneath his middle back and lifted him into his arms, as though he were carrying a princess.

Shinobu's body turned red, all the way up to his ears, though he turned narrow gray eyes to the worried dark blue of the dark haired man, "What _are_ you doing?"

Smiling faintly, Miyagi spoke not a word until he set Shinobu back against the pillows of their shared bed. Only recently had it become both their bed, as before when Shinobu had first moved in, he'd had a bed of his own. Somewhere along the way however, his darling little terrorist had slowly moved into his bedroom and without a word said between them the situation had stood.

"Don't move Shinobu," he removed his hands, reluctantly, from where they rested on his young beloved.

He turned to the dresser and pulled out clothes for both himself and Shinobu, once he was dressed he helped Shinobu into khaki pants, a white shirt, gray hooded sweater and socks.

When he went to pick Shinobu up again, Shinobu glowered at him, pushed his hands away and stood up. He however did not shun the supporting arm Miyagi wrapped around his shoulders.

Once they had their shoes on and Miyagi had his keys, they left the apartment together.

Miyagi helped Shinobu into the passenger side car, much to Shinobu's annoyance, although the way he was blushing, Miyagi was certain that despite the terrorists affront, he was secretly happy with the attention he was receiving.

Even in the face of possible tragedy, his Shinobu-chin remained ever the same.

Once they were both buckled in, Miyagi turned the ignition of the light lavender car on and turned into traffic in the direction of Sacred Heart Hospital.

While concentrating on the traffic, he heard Shinobu.

"Miyagi..."

"Yes Shinobu?"

Shinobu gazed at his own hands, wringing them together, "W-what if... I-I-I'm di-dieing?"

The driver just about froze, but with a slight inward shake, he sighed, his hands pale as his grip tightened on the stirring wheel.

"Shinobu, let us cross that bridge when we come to it, but please know this Shinobu, no matter what the results I will be with you, always."

Gray eyes turned to stare at the man, who couldn't long take his gaze from the road, but their eyes met for a brief moment.

Their love for one another was clearly written in their gazes for one another, as they stared into each others eyes. There was also the worry about what the doctors might find that day cast dark shadows in the windows to their souls. Souls which silently cringed, for the situation was bound to only grow worse, to be painful, for the pair of them.

Miyagi had turned his gaze after only a moment, though it felt so much longer than that, back to the road and the traffic around them.

Shinobu gazed at his lover, his mouth slightly ajar, his eyes watering, especially when the older man spoke three little, yet very big words.

"Shinobu, I love you, and I always, always, _always_ will."

In his mind, Shinobu thought, "_I really, really, really want to hug him right now,' _but he refrained for fear of causing an accident, though just barely, for he had turned to Miyagi and had started to reach out to him with his arms, but quickly placed them in his lap and turned to stare out the front window of the car.

Miyagi had noticed, a smile for the briefest of moments, lighting up and softening his expression, until he turned into the emergency parking lot of Sacred Heart Hospital and recalled just _why_ they were there.

The two exited the car at the same time, Shinobu however as soon as he shut the door and took one step away and toward the hospital, he tripped, catching himself by holding onto the car.

The dark haired man walked around and lifted Shinobu into his arms, as he had back in their apartment. It seemed the younger of the two was too weak to protest as he carried him toward the hospital doors and inside, up the steps to the waiting room.

There were two chairs in front of one of the secretaries who logged the emergency patients who were waiting. Miyagi explained to her what had happened and wrote everything he knew down on a sheet of paper. However Shinobu had to sign his name, which he did, though shakily.

His Shinobu's handwriting had never been so horrible, just another side affect of whatever illness his darling terrorist had had to endure.

The secretary nodded, "One of the nurses will be in shortly to call on you, so please have a seat and wait."

Miyagi didn't want to wait, he wanted to know everything right then and there, but at least they'd find out that day instead of having to wait until they could make an appointment at a doctors office.

Taking the sandy haired mans hand, he helped him up and led him over to the closest empty seats to await the call. Neither of them had any interest in the magazines strewn about the room for those in the waiting room to read.

Shinobu rested his head against Miyagi's shoulder. Normally, Miyagi might have pushed him away, but instead, he rested his cheek atop Shinobu's soft, silky blonde head of hair.

The hand that Shinobu placed on Miyagi's knee, Miyagi placed one of his hands on top of, tangling their fingers together, his other arm resting behind Shinobu on the back of the chair.

There were whispers all around, speculating about the relationship between them, but the two ignored them, concentrating on each other.

"Takatsuki-san," called a feminine voice, which caught Miyagi's attention.

Miyagi stood up and took Shinobu's hand, "Lets go Shinobu," and walked toward the nurse who eyed them with suspicious arched brows.

The nurse however did not question them, just turned around to lead them to one of the rooms, where they were to wait for the doctor. Not however before the nurse had taken note of Shinobu's weight and blood pressure, writing them down on a clipboard.

"The doctor will be with you soon," and then left the room.

Shinobu sat on the end of the examination table, gazing at Miyagi. Miyagi seeing the worried look in the beautiful gray eyes, he took hold of Shinobu's hand and lifted it to his mouth.

"We'll get through this Shinobu, _together_."

The corners of the blonds mouth slowly curved up into a tremulous smile, and then both heads turned toward the door as the doctor walked in.

Soon, they would know the truth of what was going on, hopefully it would turn out to be nothing extremely serious. It was what the two of them were thinking as the hold they had on each others hands tightened.


	3. Revelations

**REVELATIONS**

* * *

Despite having reassured Shinobu, that it would be alright, he wasn't sure that it would. Coughing or vomiting blood was one hell of a bad sign and could feel the unease down to the very pit of his stomach, where his insides were churning.

His unbearably cute Shinobu, was terribly sick and he didn't need a doctor to tell him that, but, was it fatal and, could whatever Shinobu had, be cured were the questions running rampant within his thoughts.

Was he going to lose, yet another love of his life? Why, especially when they'd had so little time together.

'_Calm down Miyagi! You have to be strong for Shinobu-chin's sake! Besides, the doctor hasn't yet said its incurable, whatever it is that's wrong with my little terrorist!'_

He could feel Shinobu's hand trembling in his, or perhaps, it was his own hand trembling at the horrid thought, that he could possibly lose his young lover.

Just the thought caused him to regret all that time it had taken him to allow the younger man into his life and into his heart.

There were so few precious memories, he wanted more time, much more time, to create more.

Thinking along those lines, without realizing it, he lifted the hand he held of Shinobu's, to his mouth and gently kissed the knuckles, praying silently, to some unnamed god, perhaps Kami.

'_Please don't let this be a chronic, incurable disease. I couldn't bear losing Shinobu-chin, so please, Kami, or whatever god might be listening, don't take Shinobu-chin from me. He's too young to die, really just beginning life, with being in Teito University..._'

If Shinobu were to be taken away from him, he'd rather it be in a different way, than death. Because, in death, Shinobu could never return to him, even if he wanted to and nor could he ever see him as he'd no longer have a physical body.

He heard then, Shinobu grumble.

"Miyagi, too tight," and he saw those gray eyes gazing at their clasped hands.

"Sorry Shinobu-chin," he relaxed his grip on Shinobu's fragile, too thin hand.

He could see how visibly tired and weak Shinobu had become. If only the brat had told him earlier, at the first sign of illness, he might not have suffered so long a decline. Might have been able to find out was wrong and get well again, though, the dark haired man still feared that it might be something far more serious than what he hoped.

Shinobu, himself, feared that he was more than just sick, but that he was dieing. If that were the case, then his destiny really was cursed as it kept interfering with his being with Miyagi. But then, someone had once said, that fate could be cruel.

That wasn't something he'd wanted to believe, but, he already knew how very well that it could be true. Such as the day Miyagi had saved him from a group of thugs and later, shortly after, the man he loved had wed his sister. But, they'd been together, after the divorce, once he'd made his way into Miyagi's heart. Though there were oft times he'd tried to give up and Miyagi would just drag him back, willing or not.

He wanted more time to be with his lover, maybe, hopefully, this, whatever it was, was curable.

Then he'd still have time, to be with and love Miyagi and to be loved by him. '_If I survive this, I'll take cooking classes and be an even better lover, for Miyagi. Please, give me more time, to be with him!_'

"Shinobu," he glanced at Miyagi when he heard the elder speak his name, "you should change into the gown."

Both thought, that if there had not been a severity in whatever was going on, then this would have made a place for a sexy little romp, especially since they could so easily be caught as a doctor or nurse would return to the room.

However, Shinobu didn't feel up to anything, his energies had been expedited last night, with such slow and tender loving care.

Shinobu, however, quickly changed from his clothes into the gown, it would make it easier for the doctor to look him over.

He was just sitting back down, when the doctor knocked on the door and came into the room.

Miyagi glanced up to see a middle aged doctor shutting the door behind him, holding a clipboard.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Kayobashi" the doctor nodded to Miyagi and then glanced at Shinobu. "What appears to be wrong with your son?"

Shinobu frowned, "I'm not his son."

At that, they saw the doctors brows arch, "No? Then, a guardian?"

"No," grumbled Shinobu. "It shouldn't matter to you, what he is to me! I just want to know what the fucks wrong with me."

"Shinobu!" Miyagi exclaimed, shooting him a frown, though he understood that his smaller lover was feeling too sick and too weak to think before he spoke. Not that, at least with him, he always thought before he spoke. But he was used to it and loved the younger man all the more for it, even if at times, it irritated him too. Of course, he knew just what to do to make Shinobu shut up, but if anyone else tried that on his lover...

The doctor sighed, "Very well, now, tell me, whats been going on?"

Shinobu frowned and before he could speak, he, himself spoke for him, knowing that he didn't have all that much energy lately.

"Shinobu has been vomiting up blood, hasn't been able to keep his food down really and has lost quite a bit of weight. Sometimes he passes out too."

"And, how long has this been going on?" The doctor asked, once he saw Shinobu nod his head in confirmation of what the dark haired man, with silver just beginning to appear above his ears, had said.

Shinobu murmured weakly, "More than two weeks."

The doctor wrote everything down that he was being told. Then, setting the clipboard aside, glanced between the two men.

"These symptoms are quite severe. Do you suffer from any pain Shinobu?"

The youth wondered if it was just from being thoroughly fucked by his bigger lover, but they hadn't done it in over two weeks, until last night. So, he really couldn't blame the at times, sharp stinging pain that radiated to his back, especially as it had begun in his abdominal area.

It had only been a couple of times each week, but it had been so damn painful he hadn't been able to move for nearly an hour after each _attack_.

"S-sometimes..." he glanced at Miyagi for support and seeing that dark head nod, he turned his gray eyes back upon the doctor who had to be at least ten or fifteen years older than Miyagi, "sometimes my abdomen hurts and then it moves up into my back. E-even when I-I'm not s-sexually active." He could literally feel his face heating up, knew he was turning a vibrant shade of red, even after these last couple of years of living with his beloved Miyagi.

It was then that the doctor's brows furrowed, which had his stomach plummeting. His now, overlarge and dilated gray eyes glanced back at Miyagi, panicked.

The doctor tapped his pan against the clipboard he once again had in his hands. "I think we might need to perform a CT scan."

Miyagi, by then, was also frowning, wanting to hold Shinobu's hand, having seen how scared the young man was. "A CT scan? What do you think might be wrong with Shinobu?"

The doctor sighed, "I don't want to scare either of you, especially not young Takatsuki-kun, so it might be best not to say, at least not until the scan is done. I think we have an opening tomorrow and one does have to drink Barium before the procedure and for Takatsuki-kun not to eat anything for twelve hours."

Shinobu frowned, "I want to know what you think is wrong with me! Please, don't leave me in the dark." Miyagi could see that his lover was about to burst into his _manly way of crying_, but he too, felt like crying, himself.

The doctor took a deep breath, shaking his head, but glanced at both of them as he stepped closer to the door. "Now, don't go thinking that this is the diagnosis, because its only a suspicion. And remember too, that there are often misdiagnosis."

Miyagi and Shinobu both frowned, waiting for the doctor to tell them what the hell he thought was going on.

"Well, Takatsuki-kun, the symptoms you've described, may be an indicator that you have... pancreatic cancer."

Both men went white, Shinobu's entire body shaking at hearing this. Miyagi, seeing his lover in distress and as he were the older, stood up and went over to him, placing a hand around him.

"Shinobu, I know you're scared, but so am I. You're strong though, we'll get through this together, if it does turn out to be what Doctor Kayobashi said."

He watched and felt Shinobu's forehead press against his lower torso.

The doctor, seeing the display, blinked. "I'll... give the two of you a moment alone, while I go and schedule you for the CT scan."

Once the doctor had left the room, Shinobu clung onto Miyagi's shirt, making it wet, where his head rested as he burst into sobs that raked his entire body.

Miyagi could do nothing, but rub his back, run his fingers through the sandy blonde hair, trying to sooth him. He, himself, felt tears stinging the back of his eyes, but didn't want to cry, not there and not then and especially not in front of Shinobu, when he had to be strong for him.

"Miyagi..."

He glanced down, his midnight blue eyes swimming, "Yes, Shinobu-chin?"

"I love you..."

Hearing that, he gulped, hugging Shinobu just that little bit more, "I love you too Shinobu."

"I...I'm going to be a hindrance to you Miyagi...y-you should, leave me...forget about me."

"Nonsense Shinobu! I'll be with you, through it all, no matter what the outcome might prove to be." He'd spend every extra moment that he could with Shinobu, since, if it was cancer and if it were inoperable, every single moment was going to be even far more precious than before.

But, if his Shinobu did...die, he was sure that he'd break down, but for now, he had to be strong. There were cancer survivors after all and he was sure that Shinobu had the possibility of being one too. He'd never give up on him, nor let him go, especially over something like this. He wasn't weak hearted nor weak minded.

He heard Shinobu sniffle, but the younger man did not speak a word, only seemed to cling onto him all the more.

Moments later, the doctor had returned and he, carefully disengaged himself from Shinobu so that he could take the paper slip for Shinobu's CT scan tomorrow and slipped it into his wallet. "Thank you."

The doctor nodded, staring at them, disapprovingly. "Isn't Takatsuki-kun a little young for you?"

At least he hadn't said anything about them both being men.

Shinobu growled fiercely, "I love Miyagi and that's all that matters!"

"Yes, but an older man going after a younger..."

"I was the one who pursued him, so leave him alone! You're a doctor, not our conscience and I'm old enough not to have other adults make my decisions for me!" But having gotten so worked up, he began coughing.

Miyagi was there, beside him in an instant, the doctor left them, saying that they could leave once Shinobu was dressed.

"Miyagi...you wont...let what he said, get to you...will you?"

Smiling tenderly at Shinobu, as he helped him out of the examination gown and into his clothes replied, "No Shinobu-chin, I wont." Though his smile was wavering, sad, because it was all too possible, that he might lose Shinobu. Not, because of society, but because of one of the killer diseases that were around.

If his Shinobu-chin died, he did't know that he'd be able to go on himself, wished even at that moment, if his young lover died, that he could, somehow, die with him.

Of course, he didn't speak those words aloud, certain that Shinobu would call him a stupid old man.

Finally, once Shinobu was dressed, they exited the room and the entire building, because they already had the appointment card for tomorrow.

Shinobu got into the passenger side of the car, "I'll beat this, Miyagi, whatever it is. I wont let, even death separate us, not this soon."

He couldn't help but agree with Shinobu's sentiments and, if anyone were to die first, it should be him since he was so much older, not to mention his smoking habit. That was something that he'd definitely have to quit.

"Well Shinobu, lets go home," and, pulling out of the parking lot, that was where they headed, heavy weights on both their shoulders, but determined to get through this, alive and well.


	4. Scan Results

**SCAN RESULTS**

* * *

Weak, that was how he felt, so weak he could barely move that morning, even though the only thing he and Miyagi had done last night was cling desperately to one another.

Squeezing his eyes closed tight he wished that he could just wake up and everything would be a nightmare.

Today was the CT scan, he really didn't want to go, because he feared the inevitable result. What else could possibly be wrong with him then what the _annoying_ doctor had claimed as his suspicions?

His brows furrowed, recalling the questions that had popped up while they'd been there yesterday, hoping that no other idiot would nag them about their difference in age.

The young mans fingers curled into his palm and felt the sleeping man beside him shift.

He shivered as he felt the brush of lips against his exposed nape.

"Shinobu-chin."

Slowly, with what little strength he had, he turned so that he and his elder lover were face to face.

"Miyagi...I don't want to go to the doctors."

Miyagi sighed, wearily, brushing the fingers of one hand through the soft sandy tresses atop Shinobu's head.

"You have to go Shinobu. We need to know exactly what it is we're up against." He did fear what it could possibly mean for the pair of them, but it was better than not knowing anything at all.

Worst of all was having yet another love lost to disease, but he did not wish to think about it, for it would only tear his heart asunder. He could not be weak, he had to be strong for as long as Shinobu needed him to be, even if he felt like breaking down and letting the tears fall.

Midnight blue eyes gazed into gray, both men managing to smile, albeit smally.

One dark head leaned forward, so that his mouth brushed tenderly over the younger man's mouth.

Shinobu's lips parted at the light and loving contact. If only every morning could be like this. However, he didn't know how many mornings together that they had left, if the scan results proved to find what Doctor Kayobashi suspected.

He just hoped there would be a different doctor in, who wouldn't make a comment on his and Miyagi's relationship, it was no ones business anyways, but theirs.

His tongue flicked out, playfully to dab Miyagi's lips, earning him a chuckle. The older mans arms tightened around him and pulled him closer, their chests pressed together as Miyagi's tongue pressed past his parted lips into his mouth.

Their tongues dueled, clashing against the other, the slick moisture of each pink sponge like organ rubbing and twisting around the others. Soon, suction and sucking sounds filled the room as they tongued each others mouths.

Both cursed when the alarm clock went off.

Miyagi reluctantly pulled back from Shinobu, a string of saliva still connecting their mouths, before the bridge fell.

"We have to get ready Shinobu-chin."

He still really did not want to deal with the CT scan. Nor did he relish the idea of drinking any liquid tasting poisons to help his organs stand out for inspection on the x-rays that would be taken of him.

Glowering at Miyagi, he got up, he'd rather have been late. Thinking it over, had him thinking that it was perhaps best after all as he wasn't as strong as he once was and did not wish to disappoint his lover were he unable to go further.

When he went to get up and follow Miyagi, his legs gave out and he fell to his knees on the floor.

Hearing the thump, the older man whirled around as he was getting clothes ready out from their dresser drawers. "Shinobu!" He set the clothes aside and went over to kneel down beside him. "Are you okay Shinobu-chin?" He asked, his brows furrowed with worry.

Shinobu growled, "I'm fine! I'm not a wimp!" He tried to stand on his own, if he were strong, he could beat whatever it was he had, but if he was so weak that he couldn't even walk properly... He did not want to think about it!

Miyagi sighed, wishing Shinobu would let him help more, he didn't want the little terrorist to get hurt.

"I want to take a shower," mumbled Shinobu as he got up, using the wall as a support beam, resting one hand against it.

The older of the two didn't think that were the best idea, not if Shinobu was going to fall.

"How about a bath, Shinobu? You like bubble baths, don't you?"

Gray eyes snapped up, but instead of calling him a stupid old man, he glanced away, "Yes," he did like bubble baths after all.

"Okay, I'll go get the bath ready," but he wasn't going to leave him alone in the bath. They didn't have a lot of time to take one, so it was better to take it together anyway before departing for the dreaded CT scan appointment.

Once Miyagi had left the room, he sank once more back down to the ground, his back against the wall.

Drawing up his knees beneath his chin, he sighed, gazing unsmiling down at the floor toward the door.

He could feel his heart beating with the fear that had overtaken him. Despite anything he might say or do, inwardly he was scared, a coward.

He didn't want to face up to the results of the CT scan, but his lover was right. It was better to know the truth, then know nothing at all, even if it meant learning something that one did not wish to know or to face.

Constantly the single question continuously running through his mind was, _why_.

People sad the saddest phrase in the English language and whatever its equivalent was in other languages was, _what if._ Shinobu, however thought that the single word _why_ had to be one of the saddest as well.

_If only_, also came to mind. _If only_ this weren't happening to him, then life would be good again.

His melancholy thoughts led him to once again think that he should leave Miyagi's side so as not to burden him. He still had his parents and yes, even his annoying sister Risako whom could take care of him. Yet he did not wish to burden them either.

Tears prickled the back of his eyes and to keep them from falling he squeezed his eyes shut. Moisture clung to his lashes and a couple of tears still managed to escape.

Lost in his silent turmoil, he hadn't noticed Miyagi's silent return, until he was being lifted into the arms which had held him all through the night.

His eyes flung open and with furrowed brows he muttered, "I can get to the bathroom myself stupid old man!"

Miyagi chuckled, at least Shinobu still had some of his spunk and hoped against hope that it was a good sign. There wasn't much to smile about if there really were no way to cure his precious terrorist.

Still it was irritating to be called a stupid old man. He didn't know which was worse, being called stupid or an old man.

"Shinobu-chin, just let me do this. I'm your lover am I not?"

Shinobu continued to glower at him, but nodded.

"So I should take care of you, shouldn't I? Didn't you once say for me to take responsibility? Well this is taking care of that responsibility, even if its not in the _usual_ way."

He watched as the younger mans face turned scarlet. He'd never get tired of seeing that blush that went all the way up to Shinobu's ears making Shinobu look adorably cute.

Once in the bathroom, he gently set Shinobu down and reached for the buttons of his pajama top.

The blonde gripped his fingers, "I can do that myself Miyagi."

"I know Shinobu, but I want to do this, so just let me do it." Just the thought of what the future held had him wanting to do even the smallest of things for his young lover.

He didn't want to spend one second more than he absolutely had to away from him and constantly wanted to keep some form of physical contact with him.

Every little moment was another memory to tuck away in his heart, come what may.

With every button undone, he left a blazing trail of kisses over the younger mans torso and heard the uneven breathing as if he'd taken Shinobu's breath away little by little.

"M-m-miyagi. I thought...we didn't have time...for this."

Unfortunately, they didn't. "We'll leave the rest for after the visit," even if the results came back in a negative light, he was going to show Shinobu just how much he meant to him. Not that they had to have intercourse for him to express it, but it was one of the many ways that he could.

Minutes later they were both undressed and sitting in the tub filled with hot water, just hot enough to be comfortable without being painful, and bubbles.

Shinobu's back leaned back against his torso, both of them soapy from lathering up before stepping in to enjoy the water, which helped them to relax.

It seemed they both were in need of some form of relaxation before going to the appointment that was a big part of their anxieties.

The younger mans hand rested atop one of the older mans hands which were massaging his shoulders.

"Miyagi."

"Yes, Shinobu?"

He closed his eyes, slowly inhaling, quickly exhaling before he spoke. "I love you Miyagi, I always have and I always will."

Miyagi felt a cold shiver run up his spine and felt as though a cold hand were squeezing his heart. Although those were beautiful words, the way they were spoken and with everything that was happening, he felt a horrible premonition.

He couldn't just say nothing. "I love you too, Shinobu," and saying so, he wrapped his arms firmly around Shinobu, resting his chin atop the younger mans shoulder, not wanting to let go anytime soon.

The appointment however sped up their time in the bath and he was the first to get out, dry and dress before helping his young lover to do the same.

Once they were dressed, they left the apartment for the appointment. They would have had breakfast, if not for the fact that the doctors note had asked that Shinobu fast for twelve hours. Due to that note neither of them ate, as Miyagi did not feel like being a prat that morning. He too would wait until after to partake of the morning and most important meal of the day.

It was not long before they reached the parking lot of the doctors office.

Both of them were nervous, Shinobu, because it was his life and Miyagi, because Shinobu had become a large part of his life.

Hand in hand, not caring who might be watching them, even though before they would hardly have held hands in public, they walked into the doctors office.

Walking up to the in-take window, Shinobu pulled out his insurance and appointment cards.

The woman sitting behind the window eyed he and Miyagi sceptically. "You're twenty-one? I'm surprised you'd bring your father with you."

Miyagi frowned.

Shinobu glowered, "He's not my father and why the fuck wouldn't I need someone to hold my hand when I might be...might be..." he couldn't bring himself to voice that awful, tragic word, _dieing_. It wasn't like if he didn't say, he wouldn't die. Still, they didn't know that he was on his way to dieing at all and nor did he wish to jinx things by continuously saying it aloud.

Miyagi pulled him back into his arms, the older man for a moment not caring about onlookers and it might have been better to let them think they were father and son.

He knew however, that would not sit well with Shinobu and with the possibility of having such a short time together, he too wanted to let others know that they were together.

Why hide it? He wanted Shinobu to spend whatever time they had left in happiness and not in trying to hide the truth. Just he hoped that they'd have a lifetime to be together, but he knew someone always died before the other, very few got to die side by side.

The woman looked bewildered, but it was not her place to lecture, not while there was a line growing behind the pair. Taking the insurance card she typed in the information for the day and returned it to the young man to whom it belonged.

Once a copy of today's receipt was printed she handed that too, to the young sandy haired man. "Please have a seat and the doctor will be with you shortly."

Thanking the woman, the two of them turned to the waiting area and found two seats side by side and sat down together.

Miyagi could feel Shinobu's fingers shaking in his hand, or perhaps it was his own hand which shook, but Shinobu said not one word about it.

Holding each others hand, they did not speak, but basked in their togetherness. It was hard to think, let alone talk, when they both felt as though their world were about to come crumbling down around them.

There was never enough time, but now, it felt like there were no time at all in which to be together and to do all the things they might have wished to do in their lifetimes.

On one side of the room a door opened and a nurse glanced at a clipboard, "Shinobu?"

Hearing his name, Shinobu gulped and slowly stood up. If not for Miyagi, he might have fallen backwards into his chair as shaky as he was for fear of what this examination might further reveal.

Taking a deep breath, he walked toward the door, not letting go of Miyagi's hand.

He was further reassured by the firm squeeze the other man gave his hand.

The nurse glanced at them, smiling, "Please come this way, the scales first."

Shinobu was grateful she'd not made a single comment about Miyagi being his dad or that they shouldn't be together due to their apparent difference in age.

A seventeen year difference wasn't _that_ huge, not when there were women marrying men who were over _sixty-five_ year older than themselves!

At least no one could call him a gold digger, he was already well off and Miyagi was living comfortably in his apartment with a job he enjoyed.

Why he was thinking about these things, he didn't really know, maybe because it was easier thinking about them, then what was going on right then and there.

The nurse quirked a brow, "It seems you've lost half a pound since yesterday."

"I had to fast, so I haven't had breakfast." Although an entire pound he thought was a lot to lose in a single day.

Miyagi, "I'll make sure that once we leave today that he eats better and gets up to the weight he was a couple months back, or better."

Shinobu glanced up at Miyagi, frowning, he could take care of himself.

'_Who the hell am I kidding? If I could take care of myself, I wouldn't be underweight or in this mess at all!'_ Still, he didn't want to admit that, least of all aloud and to Miyagi. He didn't want to seem weak.

The nurse wrote down everything, including the temperature she took from the sandy haired man's ear.

"The doctor will be right with you," she pointed them to the small waiting room outside the CT room before leaving the room herself to go hand the clipboard to the doctor and make sure that other patients were brought to open rooms.

Shinobu exhaled, "The closer we get to finding out..." the more anxious he became.

Miyagi, would have teased him, but not when things were so serious and would affect them both. The only thing he could do was to hug Shinobu yet again, wanting to do nothing more than comfort him and in some way comforting him also helped him to comfort himself.

He took Shinobu's chin between his fingers, turning his head toward him and tilting it back so that he could brush his mouth across his as he had done earlier that morning.

The two of them stiffened when they heard someone clearing their throat. They hadn't either of them even heard the door opening.

Slowly they both turned their eyes toward the man standing in front of the door.

Miyagi had seen him before. The tall doctor with dark hair and ocean blue eyes was difficult to forget when he'd nearly punched his lights out.

Shinobu however, had never seen him before. "Hello Doctor."

Miyagi figured it was better to be polite, "Hello Doctor Kusama."

Shinobu blinked and gazed at his lover, "You know this doctor Miyagi?"

"Yeah, I've met him a couple of times, he's Kamijou's lover."

Gray eyes widened, "So why is Kamijou always flirting with you?"

That had the doctor's expression darkening.

Miyagi laughed nervously, "Shinobu, Kamijou doesn't flirt with me. I just sort of _tease_ him when I get bored or..." when Shinobu had stressed him out, chasing after him in the early days of their relationship. If it could be called a relationship back then.

He looked toward the doctor, he was pretty sure his given name was Nowaki. "I thought you worked in pediatrics."

"I do, but I also know how to run a CT scan and as both Doctor Kayobashi and Doctor Miyoshikawa are out today I'm helping out here."

Miyagi was just glad he hadn't gotten punched by the man because of what Shinobu had said.

Shinobu frowned at him, "You shouldn't _tease_ Kamijou, Miyagi. It creates too many misunderstandings! And if _he_ isn't the instigator, it's _you_ and I won't stand for it!"

The doctor, Miyagi swore, smirked at him upon hearing Shinobu's complaint.

He didn't think he'd be able to keep from teasing his assistant all the time, but he'd try.

Doctor Kusama asked, "Shinobu, are you ready for the scan?"

Shinobu mumbled, "As ready as I'll ever be," and stood up to follow him into the other portion of the room, where the scan was. Miyagi wasn't allowed to go in there as there was limited space.

Outside, in the small waiting room, Miyagi stood up and paced back and forth and swore he'd end up wearing out the rug. Too bad he wasn't allowed to take one out and light it right there, it was against hospital policy.

Maybe he could have gone to the smoking room, but that was too far away, but damn if he didn't need a good puff right there and then to help calm his battered nerves.

Half an hour later and several steps, Shinobu was helped out of the room by Doctor Kusama, a doctors whose face looked grim to him.

Miyagi quickly took Shinobu into his arms, running one of his hands over the blonde tresses again and again. "So, Doctor, what's the diagnosis?"

Those eyes the color of the ocean looked down at the floor, it was always difficult to tell patients these type of things. Usually he worked with children under the age of twenty, but this was no less difficult. He wished the other two doctors hadn't both been out today, because he wouldn't have had to tell them the news.

"I think, you two might want to sit down first."

Miyagi swore his heart dropped to his stomach and heard his beloved Shinobu whimper in fear.

He sat down, Shinobu on his lap, the younger mans arms around his neck and clinging to him.

The doctor took a deep breath and glanced at the charts he had in hand. "It appears that Shinobu does have pancreatic cancer. Unfortunately its so far advanced that removing his pancreas would not guarantee a longer lifespan."

Hearing this Miyagi felt as though he were drowning in the ocean, or at least it sounded like he was being surrounded by the tide.

Shinobu cried out, burying his face against Miyagi's neck.

Miyagi however wanted to know all that he possibly could. "What...does that mean?"

The doctor hated having to say this, but the patient and his lover deserved to know the truth. He was sure that was what they were due to their interactions with each other and something his own lover had said, usually when he'd had a bit too much to drink. Even thinking of his lover right then, he couldn't bring himself to smile, but later they'd be together. Right now, the patient came first.

"It means that Shinobu has at best a year left to live, because the cancer has spread to other organs. Chemo therapy might help, however its not a sure thing."

Shinobu's head turned around, gray eyes glaring into the weary ocean blue. "How can you be so sure? There has to be a mistake!" A year left to live? That was way too short!

Miyagi was thinking it was far too short as well and held Shinobu to him, tighter than before. At best a year, which meant he could leave him any time between now and this time the following year.

While he heard the talk about chemo therapy, he also knew, from things he'd heard and stuff he'd read that it didn't always help and sometimes made things worse.

Doctor Kusama gazed at both of them, his heart squeezing for them both, even the older man whom he hadn't ever cared for much, after he'd tried to kiss his Hiro-san.

It was evident however, that they loved each other very much, but there was nothing he could do. Just because he was a doctor, did not make him a god, though there were enough doctors out there that thought it did.

"I'm sorry, but there's no mistake. It is however up to Shinobu whether or not he wants to have surgery performed on him to get rid of what cancer cells we can remove and to go through chemo."

Shinobu thought, if it meant a chance at living longer than just a year, he'd do anything. He didn't care if it would mean losing his hair or having less of a sex drive. The last he didn't like the sound of, but he wanted to live for as long as he could so that he could spend all the hours and the days he had left with the man he loved most in the world.

"I want to have the surgery and chemo."

The doctor nodded, "Very well, come back next week for an exam and we'll set the date for surgery and after that we can start chemo therapy."

Shinobu was still too shaken to walk without aid and Miyagi helped him, even though he too was shaking, at least on the inside from the news they'd just been given.

The diagnosis, the outlook for their future looked bleak. The only thing they could do, was enjoy every moment they had left together and hope that in that time, some cure might appear on their horizon. That or have the cancer go into remission, some type of miracle.

Silently, together, they prayed for just that, a miracle and wondered if someone somewhere would hear their pray and answer it. Only time would tell as they headed home.

"Miyagi..." whispered Shinobu as Miyagi drove them to their apartment.

"Shinobu?" He worried about what his little terrorist might say, he hoped he wasn't going to say that he should leave him again so he wouldn't be a burden.

"When we get home..." a feint blush rose to his cheeks as he gazed out the window with a scowl.

"When we get home?" Miyagi questioned, about a block and a half away from their place.

"Make love to me."

It sounded more like a demand than a question, but Miyagi wasn't about to say no to him.

Once he drove into his parking spot the two of them got out of the car and he lifted Shinobu into his arms, much like one might a bride about to take them over the threshold.

They'd eat after, but both of them felt they needed to find solace in each others loving embrace.

* * *

**Author Note:** I almost cried writing parts of this chapter. I hope I still managed to keep the characters pretty much IC and that readers were able to enjoy the chapter despite its content.


	5. Tender Love

**TENDER LOVE**

* * *

Miyagi, as he held Shinobu's hand and led them up to their apartment, he felt a sharp pain stab his heart. The knowledge that he'd have so little time to spend with Shinobu-chin filled him with insurmountable anguish. Being the older and a smoker to boot, why was it not he whom faced the icy cold grip of deaths boney fingers?

_'If I could take Shinobu's place, I would. He at least is young enough to find a new love,'_ the thought caused his heart to ache once more. He wondered why his most beloved ones always were the first to go.

He'd loved his Sensei, but that was a young mans love and he had cherished her memory for so long. Shinobu, the feisty brat had found his way into his heart and never had he loved anyone more. He had thought that it was a betrayal of Sensei. However as time passed and he recalled all the things she'd said to him, he saw it not as betrayal, but as a part of the human condition.

Shinobu called it destiny and perhaps it was. Maybe Sensei had not been his soul mate and who knew how things may have turned out had she lived. His Shinobu-chin however, was his soul mate. Why else when he compared his youth to Shinobu's, were they so similar in their pursuit of love?

He was brought from his thoughts when he felt his hand being gently squeezed. Turning his head, he smiled down at Shinobu through the anxiety of knowing that all too soon he would lose his most precious beloved.

Lifting the sandy haired youths hand to his mouth, he brushed a featherlight kiss over the back of his knuckles. "Shinobu, I love you." Normally he wouldn't say those words very often. Yet his actions spoke for them.

Miyagi watched the gray eyes he'd come to adore, widen and begin to tear up. He knew that his darling Shinobu-chin was in just as much pain as he was. Shinobu's tears need not even have flowed and he still would have known. They shared the same fate, which would within a year tear them apart.

Shinobu's pale face brightened with a crimson color as he gazed up into midnight blue eyes. "I love you too, Miyagi."

Quietly he shut and locked their apartment door. Once it was secure, he proceeded to place one hand beneath Shinobu's knees and another underneath his shoulder blades. Lifting the younger man into his arms, he carried him across the floor and into their bedroom.

Instead of Shinobu fighting him for daring to carry him, the young man clung to him. He could feel the slightest tremble in the hands which pressed against his back. It was his beloved's fear of the future he could feel and what an unpleasant future it was!

Silently he prayed that the cancer would go into remission with the help of chemotherapy. Were it not to do so, the days, the weeks, the months and even the years ahead would be bleak. Like a desolate dark, cold land plagued by several days of darkness. Without Shinobu, there could be no light for he was his shining star.

Gently he lay Shinobu down upon their bed and knelt over him. Moving his hands from beneath his younger lover he threaded them through Shinobu's sandy short tresses.

The two smiled tenderly at one another, with all their love written in their eyes.

He so rarely got to see Shinobu's smile, but this smile that he saw only served to hurt him more. There were too few chances left to see his beloved's smiling expression. His smiles he felt however would not be so carefree as they once had been, but instead filled with the knowledge of what was to come.

Reality, it was something he wished to forget, if only for a brief moment as he embraced his lover.

The dark haired man leaned down so as to brush his mouth over Shinobu's. Their breath was slow, but warmed each others lips.

They were thankful for the time they still had, despite how hard it was on the pair of them.

Shinobu's fingers curled into the back of Miyagi's shirt as he parted his lips to allow Miyagi's tongue within the moist cavern of his mouth.

Miyagi watched as gray eyes fluttered closed, his own eyes closing soon after so as to better feel Shinobu.

Their tongues brushed against each others, slow in their caress, savoring the moment as though it might be their last together, like this.

Miyagi's hands stroked once more through soft dirty blonde hair before descending down the sides of Shinobu's face. The backs of his fingers brushed against the young mans cheeks and proceeded to trail down his neck.

Once his fingers felt the material of his lover's shirt, he went to work on the removal of each button.

His motions were slow as though trying to draw out the moment they shared, if only they could be together like that forever, then that truly would be heaven. Unfortunately, it was hell they faced, but for a moment they could enjoy heaven on Earth right in the comfort of their own humble abode.

Whilst Miyagi's fingers worked on unbuttoning Shinobu's shirt, their kiss deepened.

Shinobu's hands had come up behind Miyagi's head, fingers curling into fists which gripped dark strands of hair. A feeling he did not want to let go and feared losing the ability to feel his older lovers hair in his hands. He feared too, losing the feel of Miyagi's his hot breath against his body. Were the chemotherapy to fail, he'd have no body to feel him with.

He, like Miyagi had various painful thoughts running around inside his head. Shinobu allowed himself to forget those, for now as he basked in the feeling of Miyagi above him. The only thoughts in that moment he had were only of Miyagi and their tender, loving embrace.

His mouth widened, gasping as he felt those familiar fingers rub over his nipples. At the touch of his beloved, they grew hard and protruded as though seeking out further attention.

The widening of his mouth only served to allow Miyagi's tongue to thrust in deeper. There was something else of Miyagi's he wanted to thrust inside of him and while it might have felt nice inside his mouth, he wanted Miyagi inside of him, elsewhere.

Just the thought of where their caresses and undressing was headed had him wriggling beneath the older man, moaning against his mouth.

"M-miyagi," his body quivered with need, but his lover was being slow to even undress him.

His own hands moved to undo the buttons of Miyagi's shirt. His fingers trembled and slowed him down, though he so badly wanted Miyagi. He wanted their bodies to be connected, wished to feel Miyagi's cock inside him, claiming him. It was a feeling he did not want to lose, to never feel again, because it made him feel as though he were truly Miyagi's and Miyagi truly his.

When he felt Miyagi's hand lightly stroke over his naval, a whimper escaped him, the sound muffled by their locked lips.

This was so tender a display of love that tears began to sting the back of his eyes.

Closing them tighter he tried not to allow a tear to escape, but it was no use, they fell regardless.

Their tongues wrapped around each other, sliding up and back down. Their heads moved from side to side, their tongues pressing against one inner cheek and then another.

The movement of their tongues grew quicker, more heated until so much saliva had been built up it escaped out the corners of their mouths.

Miyagi could taste saliva with the mingled salt of tears on his tongue. He wasn't sure whose tears he tasted, Shinobu's or his own.

Once he'd finished unbuttoning Shinobu's shirt, he undid the young man's zipper. In order to tug his pants off, he broke the kiss, a bridge of saliva snapping between them and dripping onto Shinobu's chest.

Shinobu brought his hands to his own chest, smearing the saliva over his nipples till they glistened. The aureoles around them puckered slightly. They tingled with sensitivity as his gray eyes opened, appearing darker than previously.

His face as well as the rest of his body was flush with desire. His face and ears however were also red with embarrassment as Miyagi tugged off his pants and boxer briefs. This exposed him to Miyagi's intense gaze.

He could not bring himself to cover his face from his lovers view, no matter how much he might have wished to. Were he to hide his face in his hands, then he'd not be able to take in the sight of his beloved's form either. In that moment, on that day he wanted to drink him in as Miyagi's eyes were drinking in him.

His cheeks only grew darker as he was unable to tear his gaze away from Miyagi as the older man undressed before his very eyes.

Miyagi's figure, for someone approaching forty in a few short years, was nicely toned. Perhaps it had something to do with carrying all those books and papers all the time.

Shinobu felt as though his legs spread of their own accord, his hands reaching back up to hold onto Miyagi's shoulders.

"Miyagi, please." His words escaped his tremulous lips, waiting for him to connect their bodies with one simple movement.

Despite all that was on both their minds, Miyagi had at least had the foresight to back away, if only for a moment.

"Don't look so upset Shinobu, we'll be one soon, but I think the moment calls for _this._" When Miyagi spoke that last word, he'd picked a bottle of lube off their night stand to the right. KY jelly which Shinobu watched Miyagi pour into one of his hands, drenching his fingers with the lube.

His cock prickled with warmth and mild discomfort as he grew all the more aroused, knowing what was to come next.

Shinobu reached around his thighs to touch his own ass cheeks, spreading them to reveal his asshole to Miyagi. It was then that he averted his gaze, wondering if he looked like a lobster with how hot his face felt.

In so doing, he didn't see the movement of Miyagi's arm as the older mans hand reached down to slick his lube coated fingers between the cheeks of his ass.

Feeling those fingers he gasped, his body arching to his older lovers touch.

Miyagi himself, loved the view of his lover, spread out for him and given easy access to that delectable ass.

His fingers probed one, two, three inside of the young man whom was his lover.

With his free hand, he caught Shinobu's chin and turned his head so that their eyes once more locked.

"Shinobu."

"M-miyagi," Shinobu moaned his name in a strangled whisper as he felt Miyagi's fingers stroking inside him.

When Miyagi's fingers were removed they were replaced by his cock. It was a bit wider than Miyagi's three fingers, longer as well.

Shinobu longed to have him deep inside of him and with every small thrust, Miyagi inched inside of him, till he was buried fully.

Every movement had Shinobu moaning, crying out Miyagi's name and tightening his grip in Miyagi's dark hair.

His hands had slid down from dark tresses to the shoulder blades of his beloved Miyagi, where his fingertips dug into him.

Miyagi whispered into his ear, "Call out my name, Shinobu." Having said that, he began to thrust into Shinobu's ass over and over again. His balls slapped against the others ass. At some point Shinobu had placed a pillow beneath his waist, to allow for better, deeper penetration and comfort of movement.

His eyes rounded as Miyagi asked him to call out his name. He wondered if it was really alright, or if he'd misinterpreted Miyagi's meaning.

However he could not stop the name escaping betwixt his lips as Miyagi's cock hit against his prostate, "You!"

Miyagi groaned as he heard Shinobu moan his name and simultaneously dig his fingertips into his back.

He could no longer hold himself back and slammed into Shinobu again and again, but the young man had no complaints. Instead he moaned and his grip tightened on Miyagi, leaving marks on the older mans back.

Miyagi when he felt himself growing close, moved one hand between himself and Shinobu to take hold of the others cock. As he thrust over and over inside Shinobu, hitting his prostate various times, he stroked his lovers cock.

Only moments later, the two of them came within the same breath.

Shinobu's seed shot up between them, coating both their abdomen and lower torso whilst Miyagi's cum filled the younger man up inside to the brim.

Miyagi made a mental note, that after they had some rest he'd help Shinobu clean himself _inside_ and out.

Pulling out of his lover he heard Shinobu gasp and sigh. Smiling down at him he moved to rest beside him and brush a loving kiss across the others forehead.

The two of them wrapped their arms around one another; Shinobu resting his cheek against Miyagi's chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Just for that moment, the two allowed themselves to forget what the fates had aspired against them, there was time enough tomorrow to fret about the inevitable.


End file.
